haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
