You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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