Where did you get a picture of my penis
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
When did we convert life to cartoon?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
