I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
