sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
