Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
