What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
