My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
