Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
