I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
