areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
