super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
