I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
