My liver just broke up with me...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
