apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
