He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
