drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
