come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
