cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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