Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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