woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
