Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
