I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
