32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
