VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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