So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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