just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize