I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
