We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
