another moral hangover. fuck.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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