What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
