Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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