well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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