I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
