Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
two words: eviction party
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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