Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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