I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
