Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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