My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
