I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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