So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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