I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
