Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You're like the curious george of whores
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
