how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
