She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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