you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize