At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
