I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
