Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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