he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
