And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
