Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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