things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize