I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
