how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize