it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
