I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
