Where are you?
In a non slutty way
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
