Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize