there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
