Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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