what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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