Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I got inside last night via doggy door
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
