we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I deserve this hangover.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
