Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
