Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize