If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize