You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
