this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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