dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
What drink are we having for lunch?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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