he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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