tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize