have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
