dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
