Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize