I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
