the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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