he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
