There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
