just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
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