A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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