So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
