woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
