FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize