lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
