I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
