i need an iv and a liver transplant
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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