I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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