Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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