he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
