he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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