Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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