well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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