is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
