I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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