Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
