Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize