I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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