I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
