Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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