If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You need a sexual gate keeper
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
