Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
