i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize