Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
