my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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