My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize