Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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